


The One With The Dislocated Jaw

by AverageMarvelBitch



Series: Stony Shorts [12]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, based on real life events, just a funny fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 18:05:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20393902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AverageMarvelBitch/pseuds/AverageMarvelBitch
Summary: Tony has a dislocated jaw after a steamy night with Cap. Clint is having the time of his life with the whole situation.





	The One With The Dislocated Jaw

Tony woke up in pain. He blinked against the light coming from the uncovered windows and, as consciousness came, so did the annoying ache in his jaw. Moaning loudly, he took his hand to it, feeling it around. It felt… weird. He ran his tongue along his teeth, with his mouth still closed, and noticed that they didn’t align. Yeah, definitely something weird going on.

“JARVIS”, he tried to say, but his words sounded all wrong.

_Sir, it appears you have a dislocated jaw. Shall I call a doctor?_

Tony sighed and shook his head. _Great, _he thought to himself as he got up and changed, _they’re never gonna let me live this down now._ He took his phone from the nightstand and wrote ‘Where’s Brucie?’. JARVIS quickly replied.

_Doctor Banner is currently eating breakfast with agents Romanov and Barton, sir._

With yet another deep sigh, Tony got into the elevator and pressed down, on his way to meet the good doctor. Maybe he would be able to help.

They were all down there, having breakfast, just as JARVIS had said. Bruce was making pancakes while Natasha cut some fruit with the dexterity of a renowned chef. Barton was sitting on top of the kitchen island, eating a bowl of sugary cereal.

“Hey, look who came to eat with the lower class”, the archer exclaimed with his mouth full, pointing the dripping spoon at Tony, “I thought you’d lock yourself in your room and cry over Cap’s absence”.

Tony rolled his eyes but said nothing.

“What’s wrong with your jaw?” Natasha asked, looking at him with her narrowed eyes. She abandoned the strawberries she was cutting and cleaned her hands on a towel before getting closer to the engineer lightly touching his jaw. “It looks dislocated. What happened?”

Again, Tony didn’t answer. He couldn’t. The truth was too embarrassing. He pointed to his jaw and then to Bruce, who was watching the exchange between him and the ex-assassin while holding a huge plate of pancakes.

“I think he wants you to fix it, Bruce”, Nat explained. Tony nodded enthusiastically.

“For the hundredth time, I’m not that kind of doctor. I don’t know how to fix that”.

Tony narrowed his eyes at him and pouted, crossing his arms against his chest. Barton snorted.

“Yeah, I think he’s not cool with that, doc”.

“I can do it”, Natasha suddenly said, carefully grabbing his jaw and turning it from one side to the other, examining it, “It’s just a bit dislocated. All we need is some muscle relaxants and maybe a local anesthetic so you won’t feel any pain”.

Tony shook his head and motioned with his hand, as if telling Natasha to go ahead and do it already.

“I think he’s saying ‘no muscle relaxants or anesthetics, we die like men’”, Barton replied, making his voice deeper as he said the words. Tony pointed at him and nodded.

Natasha, however, raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure? It’s going to hurt… a lot”.

“Come on, dude had surgery in the middle of the desert with no anesthetics. Can’t be worse than that, right?”

Tony nodded once more and pushed his face into Natasha’s hands.

“Okay… Just close your eyes and try to relax your jaw”, she said in a soothing voice.

Tony did as he was told and got ready for…

“MOTHERFUCKER”, he shouted when Natasha finally did it.

“Shh, don’t open your mouth too wide. I told you it’d be painful”, she replied in an ‘I told you so’ tone, “You should eat only soft food for at least a few days. It’ll take a couple of weeks to fully heal”.

“I’ll make you some porridge, sit down”, Bruce offered, turning back to the stove.

Tony did so, still holding his jaw with a painful expression.

“How did you dislocate your jaw, anyway?”

“Oh my God”, Barton suddenly exclaimed, “Steve came home last night”.

Everyone, including Tony, looked at him, confused.

“Think about it… Cap comes home after being gone for a month. Soon as he arrived they got some food and fucked off to the room like a pair of nymphomaniac rabbits. And then, the next day, Shellhead comes down and he has a dislocated jaw?” Clint looked at them with barely contained glee. “TONY DISLOCATED HIS JAW GIVING CAPTAIN AMERICA HEAD”.

Tony suddenly blushed furiously, which was very unlike him. Natasha snorted and Bruce whispered a soft _oh my God_ under his breath, covering his mouth to stop the giggling from getting out. Clint, on the other hand, threw his head back so hard to laugh that he ended up falling from the kitchen island.

“Tony, is that… Did you really?”

Tony thought about it for a second and, in the end, nodded slightly.

“Oh my God”, Natasha said, holding her stomach as she laughed hysterically, “Oh my God, Tony!”

He just stood there awkwardly as they laughed. It was embarrassing, sure, but hey… He’d done worse things before.

* * *

Steve came home a week later, followed by Sam and Bucky, after taking down yet another secret Hydra facility. JARVIS had informed them upon arrival that everyone was at the communal floor, so the three Avengers quickly made their way up there. Tony was already waiting for him when the elevator doors opened, throwing himself on Steve’s arms as soon as the soldier opened them, welcomingly.

“I missed you”, he whispered with his face buried on Steve’s chest as the soldier tried to exit the elevator while holding his boyfriend.

“I missed you too, sweetheart. Don’t worry, I’m okay”, he said before the engineer could ask, taking his face in his hands and kissing him. Tony winced slightly at the touch, making Steve frown.

“What’s wrong?”

But Tony did not have time to answer him because, at that exact moment, they heard Bucky’s shout coming from right ahead.

“HE DID WHAT?”

Steve frowned and looked down at Tony.

“Just play along”, he whispered back to his boyfriend, pulling him towards the kitchen.

Bucky and Sam were laughing their asses off, holding their stomachs and desperately trying to breathe. Clint stood in front them, his mouth wide open, moving his hands back and forth in front of his mouth. Steve narrowed his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing, Clint?”

Bucky tried to reply, but was laughing too hard to actually make any words come out of his mouth. It was Sam, wiping away tears, that answered the Captain’s question.

“It’s nothing, Cap. Clint was just telling us about Tony’s _strenuous activities_”, he replied, wiggling his eyebrows.

“What strenuous activities?” Steve turned to his boyfriend, worried, “Did something happen? Did you get hurt at the lab again?”

“Oh, no, wasn’t in the lab, cap”, Clint replied with a knowing smile, “It’s just, you know, some problems are just _too big_ to be handled”.

They all snickered again. Natasha rolled her eyes and snorted, turning her attention back at the cutting board.

“You know, Stevie, I always knew you were a huge prick, but you didn’t have to take it out on Tony”.

“Taking it out wasn’t the problem, I think the main issue was putting it in”, Clint replied, making Bucky and Sam immediately shout _oooh_ like a couple of teenagers.

“What the hell are they talking about?” Steve asked his boyfriend, still very confused.

“I dislocated my jaw that night you were here and Clint told them it was because I was giving you a blow job”.

Steve opened his mouth to talk, but suddenly remembered Tony’s request for him to play along. With a roll of his eyes, he turned to his friends.

“You guys like laughing? Okay. You”, he said, pointing at Clint, “had to go the hospital once because you had a carrot stuck in your ass”.

Clint stopped laughing and looked horrified for a second, before turning to Natasha.

“You told him?!”

“Clint, I told everyone”, she said, unconcerned.

“You”, he pointed at Bucky, “tried to jerk off with your bionic arm and ended up getting it stuck in your penis and Tony had to turn it off to get it off your prick. And you”, he finished, turning to Sam, “forgot to zip your pants after you went to the bathroom and was banned from Taco Bell for walking with your dick out like a pervert”.

Tony giggled, hiding his face in Steve’s arm. The three looked at each other horrified.

“There, now we’ve all got stories to laugh about. Now, if you all excuse, me and my big cock are gonna have a long shower with my boyfriend”.

Natasha and Bruce were still laughing like crazy when the elevator doors finally closed, cutting the others out of their line of sight.

Steve hugged Tony from behind, kissing his neck.

“If I recall, that night it was actually _me _sucking _your_ cock”.

“Yep”.

“But you told them you dislocated your jaw while sucking my cock?”

“Yep”.

“When we both know you actually dislocated it while trying to put an entire Supreme Hulk Hot Dog in your mouth”.

“Yep”.

Steve laughed, shaking his head.

“Only you would think dislocating a jaw while sucking dick is better than while eating an entire hot dog in one bite”, he said. The elevator doors opened once more, revealing the penthouse. Tony stepped out and looked back when Steve didn’t move.

“Is my cock even that big?”

Tony smiled. “Well, soldier, it’s been so long I don’t even remember anymore. I’ll get back to you on that after you fuck me against the wall in the shower, how about that?” He asked, walking towards the bathroom, dropping his pants on the way.

Steve was pretty sure he had broken some kind of record with how fast he took his clothes off in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I dislocated my jaw last night after trying to eat an entire hot dog in one bite and this idea just came to me. Hope you all like it. Leave kudos and a comment if you do! (;


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